Cursed From Birth

Posted by on 24 July 2017

In the news:

Felon Named “Fellony” Charged with New Felonies

A 22-year-old named Fellony Hudson is accused of felony kidnapping, felony eluding, felony possession of a stolen vehicle and several misdemeanors after police pursued him across state lines.

After a chase that spanned several cities, his vehicle was eventually hit with a set of spike strips, causing a tire to deflate and leading to the end of the chase.

Hudson, who has been convicted of at least four previous felonies, was taken into custody.

Poor kid never had a chance.

Let us remember LawDog’s words of wisdom regarding the naming of children:

When my legions of flying monkeys complete my Plan for World Domination, this bushwa is going to stop.

And because I will be a libertarian despotic tyrant, I won’t even order folks not to hang silly-arsed names on their children.

No, I will simply open a folder for each child stuck with an unfortunately cocked-over name. Inside this folder, I will place several pre-signed, blank conspiracy warrants and two pre-signed pardons.

And every time little Kal-el¹ gets punched in the mouth (“From Krypton, huh?” Pow! “Guess not, loser!”) or young Superman gets thrown off the bleachers (“If you’re really Superman, you should be able to fly!”), then Mama and Daddy get arrested for Conspiring To Make A Child’s Life A Living Hell, and are punished along with the heathens.

The pardons will come into play when young GoldenPalaceDotCom Silverman finally loses his grip on his mud and sets his parents bed on fire. One pardon for one criminal act committed upon each parent.

(Also: LawDog’s first book is out in electronic form, with dead-tree to follow soon.  You go buy now!)

1. We would note for the record that we are personally acquainted with a couple who named their son Kal-el.  Perhaps not coincidentally, dad is a multiple offender in both the misdemeanor and felony games.  But that’s none of our business.

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